Editorial
Front Page - Monday, November 09, 2009
It must be true
Jay Edwards
Once again, it’s time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin’s are awarded every year to the persons who died in a, shall we say, less than noble way. This years nominees (with names changed to protect the dearly departed) are:
1. A mechanic in Alamo, MI, who was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a “farm-type truck.”
The man got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while he hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. His clothes caught on something however, and the driver later found him “wrapped in the drive shaft.”
2. A lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper, who crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death.
A police spokesman said Larry Smith, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower as he was explaining the strength of the building’s windows to visiting law students.
Smith previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports.
A managing partner of the law firm told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Smith was “one of the best and brightest,” members of the 200-man association.
3. Charles Michael Goodhart, who had spent several years awaiting South Carolina’s electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
4. Jay Menihan, who was using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff’s investigators said.
Menihan, 19, was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
5. A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in Toronto, who slipped and fell 23 stories to his death.
Samuel Mackey, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Drew Bonner of the Regional Police. “It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,” Bonner said.
But this year’s Darwin Award goes to two men from Arkansas, who didn’t die at all, but were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38. Jimmy Tucker, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Rob Dover, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-hunting trip.
On the overcast Sunday night, Dover’s pickup headlights malfunctioned, and the men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out.
As a replacement fuse was not available, Tucker noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column.
Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Dover in the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Dover suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage.
Tucker sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. “Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Billy shot himself, or we might both be dead,” stated Tucker.
Upon being notified of the accident, Opal (Tucker’s wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone bother to get them from the truck. People still gotta eat.
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