Are we there yet?

May 22-28, 2017

By Jay Edwards

 

Do not store in your brain useless information. Learn to unmind the mind. Unlearn whatever has been of no use to you. Then only can you fill your mind with divine thoughts. – Sivananda

 

Caution, there are more bits of useless information ahead. But as the man said – “Define useful.”

 

1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

 

Last week I had two different dreams in the same night, and in both KM was leaving me (probably because of my low I.Q.). Then another night I dreamed I was being arrested for being illegally parked, but before the cop took me in I had to climb through the window of a house with him where inside there was a zombie on the couch that woke up and started talking to me. If anyone has a clue as to the meanings of these I would love to know, unless of course it’s bad.

 

2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.

 

Which brings up the obvious question – Do embryos dream?

 

3. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

 

As Judge Randy Morley used to say to me when we were playing golf – “I’m so tired.”

 

4. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

 

Not that I think of us as average, but I am 6-3 and KM is 5-10. Maybe if I had been taller in those dreams she wouldn’t have left me.

 

5. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

 

He’s not the big toe for nothing.

 

6. A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

 

I wonder how many a pair of human armpits has? Anyway, please wash your socks every day; Dr. Scholl isn’t a miracle worker.

 

7. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

 

Cool

 

8. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor  blades.

 

Good to know if you’re ever stranded overnight in a Gillette factory.

 

9. The human brain cell can hold five times more information than the Encyclopedia Britannica.

 

Welcome to our planet of underachievers.

 

10. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your  stomach.

 

Unless you’re eating razor blades.      

 

11. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

 

About how long it took KM to say she was leaving.      

 

12. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

 

So bald drunks really have a problem.      

 

13. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a  single cell.

 

God’s last gift of privacy.      

 

14. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a  gallon of water to a boil.      

 

Again, cool.

 

15. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

 

Again, no comment.      

 

16. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you  are born.

 

Do you remember where you were the first time you heard the word “toofus?”      

 

17. When you are l looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

 

Unless you smell their feet while you’re eating razor blades.      

 

18. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.

 

“Gleamin flaxen-waxen.” In case you’re curious, KM is a brunette.    

 

19. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

 

This seems a good place to stop. When you probably have your thumb pressed against your nose, checking to see if they are in fact equal in length.

 

Jay Edwards is publisher of the Daily Record. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com.