Are We There Yet?

January 8-14, 2018

By Jay Edwards


My brother Bill and his wife Lauren recently took in another dog, to join their Kerry Blue Terrier, Molly. Molly is a sweet dog, unlike the Kerry Blue named Blacky that Bill and I grew up with (Judge Morley will confirm this). Molly does have a problem with thunderstorms however, which she made very clear awhile back.


The incident played out something like this. Bill and Lauren had gone out of town for the weekend and asked Lauren’s mom, Betty, if she would come to the house and stay with Molly. Betty agreed and planned to come over later that first night. However, that afternoon a violent thunderstorm rolled through Little Rock and Lauren texted her mom to go check on Molly earlier than planned. Betty got to the house and decided to take Molly home with her. She picked her up and got her in the car as the storm intensified. Then she ran back in the house to get Molly’s food and bed. It’s important to mention here that Betty was in her brand new Toyota Camry, which she had just picked up the day before. She was moving as fast as she could through the house, praying that hail wouldn’t happen along with the heavy rain.


Meanwhile, back in the car, Molly was not too calm as the thunder boomed and the rain got heavier. She likely held it in as long as she could, which wasn’t that long. Let’s just say that when Betty got back to the car there was a smelly surprise waiting for her, and not in a small amount.


Her patience almost gone, along with that new car smell, Betty ran back to the house to get something to clean up Molly’s mess.


After finishing, Betty was at last ready to leave, and with Molly whimpering in the seat next to her she started her new car and put it in reverse to back out of the driveway. But the car didn’t move. She checked the emergency brake but saw that wasn’t the problem. So she put the car back in park and then reverse again. Still nothing.


As her day from hell continued, Betty realized she didn’t have her cell phone with her and knowing there was no land line in her daughter’s house, decided to go next door for help. Luckily the man, who is also named Bill, was home and Betty told him that her brand new car would not go in reverse all of a sudden. The two of them ran back through the rain to the Camry and Bill got in the driver’s seat with Betty next to him.


“No offense,” Bill said, “but this doesn’t smell like a new car.”


Betty, who had bravely held back the tears, motioned to the back seat at the whimpering Molly.


Bill started the car and quickly got the same bad result as Betty when he put it in reverse.


“Hmm,” said Bill, who knew a few things about cars. He looked underneath the dash where he saw a mess of wires hanging down and mangled. “I think I see your problem,” he said. “So Molly was in the car for a bit by herself?”


“Yes!” Betty answered.


“Well, I guess after her poopfest, she must have turned on this wiring under here for causing the thunder.”


Betty stared in stunned silence, and probably wondered at that moment the wisdom in her decision to ever have children. She looked back at Molly and just shook her head.


After returning to Bill’s house with him, she called Triple A and waited on the tow truck, which came and dropped her new car at the dealership she had driven out of less than 24 hours earlier.


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