Are we there yet?

April 24-30, 2017

By Jay Edwards

The attractive blonde stewardess welcomed me aboard the plane with what sounded like a German accent.

“Gutentaag,” I thought to myself, remembering my daughter’s friend Julie, who had taught me the greeting.

Suddenly a loud computerized voice that sounded like the robot from “Lost in Space,” began yelling, “Wind sheer, wind sheer!” That was followed by, “Terrain, terrain, pull up, pull up!”

I looked at the stewardess for comfort and reassurance. She smiled and laughed a little before saying, “That always gets to the passengers.”

Which wasn’t exactly the reassurance I was looking for.

I turned around and was at my seat, # 1-A.                

I don’t usually fly first class, which always makes it a treat when I’m able to. This being one of those times I sat back in my spacious and comfortable seat and looked out the window at the clear blue sky.

It looked to be shaping up into a beautiful day, hopefully void of any wind sheer and terrain.

The stewardess asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I hadn’t planned on having any booze, but after hearing the plane’s warning system I ordered a double Bloody Mary.

So there I sat in my large comfortable seat, sipping on my cocktail, not getting a lot of smiles from the coach-bound passengers as they moved past, when two young men who were traveling together sat next to me.

The larger of the two was decked out in Tennessee Volunteer apparel, and he seemed more than uncomfortable about being there. His friend, who was noticeably enjoying his buddy’s discomfort, turned and told me that after a night in Little Rock they were heading off to Japan, and it was his buddy’s first time in an airplane.

“Well he’ll have lots of time to get used to it,” I said, while thinking I was glad the poor guy had missed out on the disaster warnings a few minutes earlier.

Thirty minutes later we were landing, softly I might add, in Little Rock.

No matter how safe air travel is said to be, for me it’s always a great feeling when it comes to an end.

I said “Auf Wiedersehen” to the stewardess and headed off to claim my luggage… that probably wasn’t there.

***

Every year when we go to the Florida Panhandle I find myself walking through the sand and wishing I had one of those metal detectors. Well, after reading about Wesley Carrington of Great Britain, I plan to finally pull the trigger. The report says that only 20 minutes after buying his first one, he got a hit in the woods where he was searching. It turned out to be some old Roman coins, with a value of $156,000.

***

 In a hospital’s intensive care unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 A.M. Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 A.M. all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for them selves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Then, just as the clock struck 11:00, a part-time Sunday janitor entered the ward and unplugged the life support system, so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Jay Edwards is publisher of the Daily Record. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com.