Are we there yet?

October 17-23, 2016

Big but not easy

By Jay Edwards

Named Rue Royale by the French, Royal Street in New Orleans was an international shopping district by the end of the nineteenth century, and if you love upscale antique stores, you will find them there in abundance. But I was more interested in getting out of the rain than buying expensive old stuff.

I spotted one of the familiar hot-dog shaped stands a block away and my mouth watered again. “Lucky Dogs” had been a French Quarter fixture for decades. Where else can you find priceless antique shops and five-dollar hot dog stands side by side?

My pace quickened but KM’s slowed, and as the rain strengthened we ducked inside a shop. I tried my best to look like a rich person, but the way the old guy with the beard and the tweed suit was staring at me I wasn’t pulling it off.

I saw a basket full of wooden and brass canes next to me and picked one out. A small white sticker at the top read $4800.00. I tightened my grip and carefully put it back. Had I mistaken gold for brass? It wasn’t really what I was looking for anyway.

The old guy still eyed me suspiciously, so I smiled at him; he didn’t flinch. I wondered if he had ever had a “Lucky Dog” as I read a chandelier’s price tag - only $33,000. I wanted to ask him if the price was firm, that I might be interested in it at say, 31 or 32,000. Instead I found KM and we got out of there.

Outside, both the rain and hot dogs were gone. Coming towards us was an old black man holding a tambourine, and with a harmonica fastened to a brace attached to his head, similar to what Bob Dylan used back in the sixties. He had a partially toothed grin with a gold one in front, and I watched as he began his act to the one-person audience; KM had abandoned me in favor of the next store.

He played and began to shuffle his old shoes, which moved in rhythm to his instruments. I was tempted to give him a couple of bucks and move out of his life, but he sounded pretty good and so I continued to watch.

When he finished I gave him some money. He smiled and said, “Enjoy your stay in New Orleans.”

I found KM down the street, looking at a $12,000 chair. I told her we should head back to the room to get ready for dinner.

Once back, I opened the mini-bar and grabbed a beer. KM asked, “Do you know what they’re charging you for that stuff?” I told her whatever it was it was a bargain compared to the stuff we’d just looked at.

I turned on the TV and saw the “Guest Services” option. I wanted to see if they had given me my $60 AARP discount on the room.

On the screen my bill appeared, and I was pleased to see the figure $129 pop up. What wasn’t as pleasing were five other charges – a beverage for $2.00, two beverages for $5.00, some nuts for $3.50 and some candy for $3.50.

And how did they know what I’d already indulged?

“You know that mini-bar has a sensor that charges you every time you remove something?” KM said from the bathroom.

I tried to process what I was hearing. How had she known? Was she secretly working for the hotel?

“Yeah, sure, I know that,” I said back.

I frowned and dreamed of a “Lucky Dog.”

Jay Edwards is editor-in-chief of the Daily Record. Contact him at jedwards@dailydata.com.