A Day in the Life
December 28 - January 3, 2016
How to find the holiday spirit
By Becca Bona
I had a professor in college who made me write a “How-To” guide. The class, of course, was creative writing, and funnily enough I didn’t do so well. I have theories on this, of course, but that’s beside the point.
I wrote my guide on singing, a subject that if not treated correctly, could be a bit bland and boring. I like to think that since then, I’ve learned to laugh at myself, and so I want to share this quick guide I wrote up for you in case you need a little help finding the proper spirit and energy needed to survive this time of year.
1. Wait to do all your holiday shopping on Christmas Eve. (Advanced holiday spirit-eurs will aim for Christmas Day, which is also acceptable).
2. Sing Christmas carols very loudly while shopping until you realize that every store in your city is literally out of everything on your list. Let out a string of choice words, but do not let Santa or his elven spies hear you.
3. In order to clearly solve your dilemma, head to the nearest bar and ask for eggnog. When they don’t have the bubblegum-tasting Christmas concoction, order a beer instead. Ask when Karaoke is, and make a note to bring your cousins down to sing versions of Rudolph the Red Nose Barman when Christmas Eve gets out of hand. Realize that you can go to Walgreens or Wal-Mart to buy presents, and leave with a pep in your step.
4. Go to your local Walgreens. Know that Aunt Flora will be happy with the last pair of fuzzy socks in captivity and your younger brother Fred will adore that bag of popcorn you snagged for him. Make sure the popcorn is festive and comes in a either a spicy gingerbread or minty candy cane flavor.
5. Drive home. Be prepared to drive defensively, as Christmas Eve is a scary time to get into an automobile. Don’t yell too loudly when the other drivers cut you off or nearly side-swipe you on their way to find the perfect last minute gift.
6. Wrap gifts in newspaper, because you forgot to buy the other stuff. Make sure your mom gets the one wrapped in the funnies.
7. Adorn yourself in an ugly sweater in preparation to drive to Meemaw’s. Go outside to discover it’s actually 70 degrees this year instead of 40. Switch out the top for a short sleeve number in black, as it’s all that you have clean.
8. Arrive at Meemaw’s late. Throw newspaper gifts under the tree and realize you’ve forgotten to bring a dish for dinner. Open a beer to solve the problem.
9. Promptly leave Meemaw’s 15 minutes later, without your unfinished beer. A fight has broken out among your aunts and uncles as to who will cut the turkey. Eggnog was involved.
10. Once back home, turn off the Christmas tree and sit alone until Santa comes. Wake up the next morning to find the tree on fire. Give up on Christmas, eggnog and carols, and decide you’ll head to the beach next year.
There are so many small things that can ruin a big event like the once-a-year shindig we call Christmas. Santa wouldn’t want you to focus on those things. Instead, be sure your Christmas tree always stays hydrated and you spend time with those you love.
That’s a definite fool-proof guiding principle to a happier, more spirited, holiday season.
Cheers.
Becca Bona is the managing editor of the Daily Record and an award winning columnist and photographer. Contact her at Becca@dailydata.com.
